4 weeks ago, I was planning to have a mammogram which led me to finding out that I was pregnant. I’d mistaken the symptoms for something else. A week after that, I learned I was already 3 months on the way. How strange. I felt normal…it seems that nothing has changed. There’s no morning sickness (thank God!). And yet, that first week I was in shock. My hubby & I were trying before & then stopped — but we do want to have a baby someday. I really don’t know what it means: becoming a mother.
I started researching the internet on what to do & what not to do as an expectant mom. I realized I did everything wrong on that first three clueless months: I drank coffee & green tea everyday, I occasionally went to bars where people smoke, I eat lots of spicy tuna roll, I work out vigorously. And yet he/she survived. The baby wants to live. I think the baby’s saying it’s about time.
Now, what does it mean to me being an artist or just simply for me. The impending dread of a lifestyle change is coming. My selfishness ways will be cut short. My body is freakingly changing! But as I look at the screen of the sonogram and before me a blob of figure is manifesting into this fragile being with the heart beating so strongly, I felt tears well up for joy. I was thinking about the baby and not “me” for the first time. A strange mixture of feelings came over me: a sense of calmness, protectiveness, and faith that everything will be alright.
As my new doctor gave me the print out of the sonogram, I just stood in awe and wonder at God’s creation. He is still the greatest artist of all times.